if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
