just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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