UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
