"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
