I skipped work to stalk him.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
