and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
