Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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