The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
