I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
love makes seman taste better
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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