I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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