Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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