I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
