What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
