worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
of course. lets lasso hookers.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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