i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
