i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
