Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
