shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Go christen that room with your naked body.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
