Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sober January is a disaster.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
