When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Every concussion has its silver lining
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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