I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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