Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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