I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
