That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
