To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
