im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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