Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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