I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
