I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
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Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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