smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
