Sry I called you an 8
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
