My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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