plz talk dirty to me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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