$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
barbara walters just said penis...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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