Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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