People in love make me want to vomit
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
