yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
