Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
