hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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