i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
