Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
