I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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