I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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