Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
