I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
