happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
