I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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