She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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