Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
