and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
