Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
