Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
