He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
