dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
