So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
