that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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