Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
