At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
