Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
whose parrot is this?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
