3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize