idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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