9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
