my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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