so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize