How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
