Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
