They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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