Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
