well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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