Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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