Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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