You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
