DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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