he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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