I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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