I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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