i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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