I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
