No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
