even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
