Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
