your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
